Temeraire crackfic: A Dragon and A Swordsman Walk Into A Bar--
Okay, so this one is going to be tough. But if Temeraire goes out he is going out with a bang! *heee*
So here you go -- why Temeraire clearly should beat Jaime Lannister in the quarterfinals! VOTE TEMERAIRE FOR GREAT JUSTICE.
A Dragon And A Swordsman Walk Into A Bar — (2000 words)
The story of how Temeraire (should!) defeat Jaime Lannister. Safe for most audiences, but warnings for nameless horror. With guest appearances by Iskierka, Haplo, Polgara, Hermione Granger, Cthulhu, and Ryan Seacrest.
NO REALLY, COME BACK--
A Dragon And A Swordsman Walk Into A Bar —
"Only," Temeraire said, "he is so very small." He peered across the field at the lone man swinging around his sword. He did move it quite quickly, and he had a splendid hand made all out of gold, which flashed appealingly in the sunlight, but—well.
"I don't see why you are complaining," Iskierka said. "The last one was small, too."
"But she was a sorceress," Temeraire protested.
"Who tried to turn you into a cat," Iskierka said. "Anyway, you had better win, because I don't see Granby or Laurence anywhere here, either, and we shan't be able to go on looking for them unless you do."
"Well, of course I am going to win," Temeraire said, but privately he could not help feeling that it was not very sporting. "But perhaps we might—fight in some other fashion," he suggested, "which would be more fair?"
There was an odd sort of shimmer in the air around them and above the field, after he had spoken, and Iskierka jetted curls of steam from her spikes in disapproval. "Now you have gone and done it," she said. "I ought to just have set him on fire; you know you cannot just go saying things in this place."
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A VOTE FOR TEMERAIRE IS A VOTE FOR AWESOME
(ETA: PS: pimping greatly appreciated and if anyone happened to feel like drawing me art of Temeraire singing for the judges or any other scenes from this piece of crack I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER! ♥)
ETA2: LOLLLL, Temeraire doing Bette now illustrated thanks to jacob_holcomb! \o/
ETA3: OMG YOU GUYS *DYING* Art by gnine! CTHULHU is BOPPING ALONG <3333
ETA4: *gleeeeees madly* Temeraire in the Idoldome! by takmarierah!